LYRICS

Glow

Darkness has fallen and I’m restless in pieces.
Chasing tails of comet trails, I’m finally one with my demons.

Oh, my shining star, climb inside my burning heart.
Stoke the fire until steady roar, and soon they’ll know how bright you glow. 

I’m reaching out through dust and stars to spark your heart.
Anxious blood accelerates. I hope my words will resonate.
Lost in mirage, structure is gone, gravity is lost on me.
Hours slip by in a glass eye. I can’t see straight anymore. Gravity is lost on me.
Combing through every letter, every word, and you’re cruising till you lose it.

Your demons are screaming for freedom, but I don’t believe them. 
Know you are a son of the sun. 
You can put them all to sleep within a sacramental dream. 
You gonna alter this fight? Look them in the eye. 
Look me in the eye.

The eye, it is I who you are. 
Invert your illusions of form into soul.
I am your hell and your home. 
You project this nemesis and only you can know the risk.
Do you trust me?

Oh my shining one, I am your ghost who holds your soul 
as you sink beneath your darkest secret.
Speak my name in constellation.
You already know the answer. 
Redefine the context of your sight.

I’m reaching out through dust and stars to spark your heart.    
Try to see you’re not lost on me.

Speak on the secrets of life.
You are a bearer of light, determined to carry a torch to the stars.
Ignite what I left behind to guide the cycle of life with my demons.

Darkness has fallen again.
Gravity pulling, I won’t let you fall.
I will hold your soul if you maintain your glow.


Spiral Arms

A collaboration with Theoretics.

Twisting cities and tire swings;
spinning chains and burning wings.
Rituals are all I see.

Telling secrets,
your empty eyes are deciphering what I deny.
City sinks beneath the tide.

Every day, more alert. Every step I rehearse,
but I can't break free from your spiral curse.

Never rest in your spiral arms.
Tripping out alone on my own terms, 
I brace for what I can't endure.

Take me by the hand.
Take me by the throat.
Take me by the heart.
I won't find peace till death do us part.
Now I'm torn apart.

On the edge, I'm terrified,
learning how to recognize
familiar signs of spirals in your eyes.

Searching for a resting place;
barely keeping up this pace.
Hypnotized by spirals in your lies.

One More

Light awakens,
gradually warms me and steals the cold
I’d rather hold onto.

Encouraging me
to relinquish illusions of what I never will be.
What will I never be?

I awaken,
honestly assess where I’ve been.
Now I reflect: decide how I must live.

I intend to give of myself,
and give to myself the gift of honesty.

It takes honesty to face the facts.
One more breath. One more day.
Face the past.
Keep what works, but bury the hurts
from monuments, shrines, symbols, or signs.
You can leave them behind.

In reflection, I was once a victim.
I was honest, but now I’m working with it.
Destroying myself poisoned the joy and the hope
of the ones I love most.

I can make it into a distraction,
detour, cure, or direction.

One more breath. One more day. 


Ritual Resistance

You understand my soul. I’m learning to embrace this undeserved support, though you know I’m falling short.
Beneath my own ritual resistance, saturate my soul, though you know that I’m falling.

Back to back with you, I've never been closer.
Though I’m falling short, I promise to support your heart as you pursue
a mantra of love to deconstruct my pride, ‘cause you know that I’m falling.

Memorize: decide if you’ll let me mesmerize the words you’ll eventually memorize.
Decide if you’ll let me give and take, re-create.


Lawless

Blackest stain on clay,
desperation fueling flame.
I need you to be brave.
Compose a holy ode,
ghostly rose in monochrome.
Offer me an oath.
I need to hear it echo.

Blackest stain on clay,
smearing ash across your face.
Beg you to behave.
I need to hear you promise me
you’re gonna keep
sharpened blade at bay.
Motion slows your hollowed bones.
Offer me an oath.
I need to hear it echo.

On the edge of the ledge
of the loss of faith,
commemorate in a sacred place.
On the edge of the ledge
of the laws of fate,
lawless love, please remain brave.

The rhythm of injustice in your pace, I follow.
The lines and ledgers on your face, I follow.
Offering my asymmetric grace.
I will incinerate your bloodline’s remains.
I will insinuate that your bloodline remains a
masquerade.

Disown the shadow of your ghost,
but keep it close
in case you lose your way. 

Riptide

Endless patience of the frozen ocean.
Don’t think; just drink this potion.
Slow it down, drink it up.
Follow paper trail, intoxicated
beneath a threadbare sail.
Vertigo, blood run cold.
Help me stay afloat.

Thrill is cursed by dangerous words.
Can i get a witness?
Can someone help me quit this tendency,
peripheral delivery?
My weaknesses are stronger than
my will to overcome.

Siren, don’t say when
we’re intertwined.
Centigrade surface fade.
I’m about to capsize.
Strength of a zephyr pushing us together.

Blanket statement, can i say it?
Hold your breath.
Anticipate a blanket statement.
Can I make you hold your breath?
Anticipate a surprise. Surprise:
distorted patterns you should recognize.
Ships passing in the night,
the riptide is our warning sign.
Throw me a line.

Look at me, look at me, look at me now.
Imperfect anomaly, chasing the clouds.

It's the path I chose. It's the way you paved.
It's a lie unclothed. It's a shallow grave.


Exceptions

We’re never satisfied with the season: bluebird day, but we want the gray. 
You win some, you lose some, sometimes. Your spirit is lonesome and confined.

We make exceptions to the rules, privileged license to abuse.
We make exceptions to the rules, choosing blindness to hide what we should recognize.

Bars and wires above my tired eyes. Patterned confinement I try to rationalize.
Outcomes resemble what I’ve seen before. Cracking my bones to discover a secret code.

How did you come to know this? How did you get here? How did I become this? 

Turning love into fear.


G U N

Quarantine the killer.
We’re not safe, not invincible.
Suppose I’m not surprised.
I am sickened, not cynical.

He who holds the gun holds your fate.
Where is the line? Who will fight for justice
in this hall of hate, their claim to fame?

Who can help but burn it down?
Borderline confines separate lives.
Borderline divides desperate eyes.
National anthem. Irrational tantrum.
Hands up. “Don’t shoot.” Pantomime.

Stolen hope from honest souls.
Stolen words they never wrote.

I can’t breathe.
This is getting old.

4U

There’s a reason I’m keeping this secret.
I need time; I need patience on my side.

I know you expect a little more,
but I know that I left my ego at the door.
So I’ll work and wait, commiserate,
because I feel for you. 

I’m sharpening up my demons 
with the knife that time and distance can provide. 
Anything that I create or conceive
cannot be just for me.

I want you to feel that I’m giving you a voice.
Building up the nerve to put down my guarded fights.

So I’ll work and wait, commiserate,
because I feel fortunate to recognize fear.
Learned to recognize desperation in your eyes.
Fortunate to transform fear for you.


Lungs & Legs

Feet on the ground and my head's underwater. Hindsight can calculate home at coordinates asunder.
Elegant bitterness quivers at the point of this arrow that severs, now elongating distance between our artificial wounds.
Hallucinations confound my intentions. Pressure persists and insists I suppress this instantaneous rate of heinous change.
I cannot approximate the duration of this journey or how it will conclude.

Lungs and legs, you beg me to stay with my chest open wide.
Extrapolate: how long will you wait before your hunger dies?

There are a million ways to self-sabotage. I'm learning the infinite ways to find myself.
Lost.                Again.

You're pounding my spine. You've pulled out the knife from knots I won't untie. 
So easily you force me to see toxicity inside. 


Company

I don’t need your company.
On your mark, get set, now go away. 
I was safe before you ever learned my name.

Your false presumptions took control.
Slowly, secretly, projected trickery on me,
because you thought you owned my name.

Backstreets of my memory lanes have changed, 
but still I’m speeding down the same old tangled road, 
and I don’t recognize its name.

I don’t need your company. 
Keep your stolen trophy for the safest place. 
Congratulations. You still don’t know my name.

My words are weightless gold that seems 
to sink beneath your twisted metaphors, 
but you will never know my name.

Now none of us know who we can believe.
Now none of us know who we can be.

They hide in our blood, 
so we’re cutting the ties and spilling our guts.
They left deeper scars than any cut.
Will you repair this broken trust? 

I don’t need your company.
Illusion of familiarity betrays the key.
You don’t want to know my name.

Sealed fate with a stitch,
my codeine-laced lips whisper out of restlessness 
that I no longer know my name. 

Quicksand

Tide turns over fickle earth.
Heavy sand in the crease of your hand.
Suddenly loss is relived.

Quicksand pulls you underneath,
suffocating slowly through gritted teeth,
and I reach out for your hand.

Reticent words form a lie that you’re always fine.
Bearing the weight of a timeless ache you hide behind.

Ocean-flooded eyes of salty, bitter lies. 
It’s okay to say you’re not alright 
and wish for just a bit more time.

Shore line, hiding in the dunes. 
Quiet, now. I whisper a warning to you:
undertow slowly controls.

High tide, push and pull again.
It’s high time to confess that 
I cannot swim the same distance again.

Reticent words form a lie that I’m always fine.
Bearing the weight of a timeless ache I hide behind.

Ocean-flooded eyes of salty, bitter lies. 
It’s okay to say I'm not alright 
and wish for just a bit more time.

We live it every day. 
Absence consumes empty space.

Tide turns. 
Suddenly, quicksand pulls you underneath.
High tide. Now I’m out of reach.


Complex Codes

The deeper down I go, the more I know I’ll never know.
Your hands are on my mind, locked up within a silent sigh. Moving target in your mind. Fill me, fulfill me.
Swinging on the hands of time. Breaking rules, re-drawing lines. Eliciting a lie: you’ll fill me, fulfill me.
I dine with the king of my cosmic mind. He feasts his eyes upon my spine.
Give you a reason to cross the line. Worship the queen of your cosmic mind.
Permanent typography. Scriptured hands embrace my body. Ghostly call, then suddenly I’ll fill you, fulfill you.
The ink upon your skin. . . I can smell recurring sin. We’re not that different. I’ll fill you, fulfill you.
Your words are complex codes, a tarnished map into the unknown.
You know you guide my injured soul. String me along. I’ll go. Keep drawing me in. I’ll go.


Bell Jar

Look out below, out from within.
You think it's pretty bleak, but my outlook 
is pretty clear from within here.

Try me out, on for size.
You think it's pretty dark, but this captive 
thrives on light that shines inside.

Pin me down like a secondhand moth. 
Lay me to rest on a black, satin cloth.
But with wings still a-flutter, I'm just on lock-down. 
One step too far in this bell jar.

I cross my heart, you cross a line.
You think this never ends, but my tolerance 
will shift with your tightened grip.

I choose truth; you choose lies.
You think that you are free, but my impending 
heart attack will break this glass.

Watch me now, watch like a hawk. 
Next to leather-bound books, secured with a lock.
Enslaved in your cage with a sandy clock.
One step too far in this bell jar.

Who is happy now? Who can truly see? 
Who is happy now? Which one of us is free?

One step too far, shattered bell jar. 
No one else. I’ll free myself.

Forget the Fire

Your body is bruised. My mind is a little used,
but the night is young and I'm free to be anyone, 
so choose your weapon.

Sleepwalker.
Find yourself a foreign land, a place you'd never planned, with the fire.

I'm keeping you from sleeping and you're keeping me from dreaming.
You say this will be on your mind for a long damn time.

Sleeptalker.
Truth trips out of your mouth, 
words I'd never heard of before.
Washing smoke off in the ocean;
moonrise through the fire.

Out of control like stolen gold.
In spite of cosmic light you burn out cold
and you're keeping me from dreaming.

I won't just try; I'll fight,
but there may come a time when I
cannot choose to sacrifice my life 
and I leave you behind with the fire.

Washing smoke off in the ocean;
moonrise through the smoking fire.
In between is where we seem to meet;
I can't believe we'll forget the fire.


Like It Is

Fractured aura beckoning stale poison on the breeze.
Every storm becomes my own. Tell it like it is.
Starting at the stop again. Intertwine enemies with friends.
Hiding in the clouds I’ve spun. Tell it like it is.

Offering a helping hand, though I know, every bone you’ll snap.
Retaliation won’t rebuild. Gamble with the light.
Help me mend this crooked seam. We can stop the unraveling.
I’m waiting out this storm alone. Gamble with the light.

Re-create a will to live by redefining what little gold I have to give.
I’m aching to surpass the past. Waste another night.
Love is not the place for lies. Every effort, you criticize.
We simply need the space and time to tell it like it is.

Watch my stability fail, tornado is pulling me in.
Witness assault on the daily. Knocking the breathe from the wind.
Pleading for peace in our palace, I’m willing to risk a war.
Facade of our castle is so fucking fragile. Somebody kick down the door.

Comfort zone is overthrown. Prisoners within our home.
Waking nights, I wonder why I gamble with this precious light.

Watching as we fall apart. The center of our home is letting go.


Whole

Moments of intertwining lives
getting by on kindness will remind us
that these are the necessary wounds.
The fractures and the fault lines define us.

You think the fun is in the fall,
growing up with stitches for wishes.
Rip out the staples from your skull,
unraveling your past from the fringes.

Through this revolving door, upon a ground of gold,
when we go our separate ways
you know I'll love you just the same.
Through these refining years our tarnished souls become clear.
Happier than I've ever felt, and you said, "Girl, just ride it out."

Secrets that I forgot to hide
fill my lungs with words that I won't say.
Fires can fill our eyes with light.
Insightful souls can read what we don't write.

The holes in my soul are filled
with the beauty of the whole. 

From Now On

Back in time,
bound by a sign of myself lost along the way.
Dream resigned sounded fine at the time.
I found myself today.

Said goodbye,
I cut the ties that strangled my mind in decay.
Failed to try, told a brutal lie.
Now I find myself home, yet far away.

Fading back, retrace your tracks.
Memorize this moment like a line of poetry.
It’s yours.
You see a verse carved inside your mind.

Show a sign, you're telling time.
You matter more than failed hope.
No need to see what soon will be.
Eyes close.
Feel it in your soul.

From now on,
I know where I came from.


Survive

Darkest of blues: I call them home. Empty city's eyes reflect my cold soul.
Crossing the water. Boat cutting mist. Can't forget the weight of your bone crushing fist.
Mentally hypochondriac. If I were a bell I'd be cracked.

Ruthless invasion of my comfort zone. Wary, silent defense. How stoic I have grown.
But sounds of good winter brought me to tears. Light came through the window and your ghost appeared.
Though that day is far away, absence cannot be erased.

Can't make up my mind, like the indecisive tide.
Sway this way, then that. Shifting sands always change plans.
I'm known for falling hard. Simply need a fresh start.
Backtrack to my roots. I want to move and to be moved.

Feet on a mountain, toes in the sound. Phosphorescent splashing. Laughter abounds.
Endless expanses right here for free. You've never seen a city this green, I guarantee.
Perfect ending to a perfect day, though it didn't start that way.

Eyes on the heavens, watching the show. Mesmerizing stars are gazing at me down below.
Spread out on damp boards of a summertime pier; nowhere else I'd rather watch the world premier.

I'm incomplete, yet so serene. While the world's asleep, I dream.
The sea and sky revitalize. Heal. Restore. Survive.


Rearrange

Rearrange my molecules 
with burning tires and gasoline fires
Rearrange my attitude
with needle and rope to mend broken hope

Paralyzed, afraid to let go,
but it don’t matter outside of the whole.

I fear you think like me.
I fear you see like me.
I fear you think like me.
I fear you might see me.

Vespertine vision, careful incision,
don’t waste another night. 
Chaos, creation, anticipation;
risking a death for life.

Misalign

Keep this in mind: I am misaligned in my body and mind.

Forced to become a contortionist, adapting to the pain.
Am I wrong to think I was born for this?
I'm fighting to create.

Drown in it, then allow it to resurrect your voice.
Benefit from its relentlessness
and protect your first choice. 

Broken again. I misspoke again.
Keep this in mind: I'm sorry and I'm trying.

Cultivating coals that never roar.
Potent potential to your core.
Alchemy beneath this mirrored hallway.
Hold me in this race to wake up before my wake.


You Know

How did you know? Do I even know what you can sense?
How did you know? Do I even know what you can see?
Let's flip a coin and let our fate be guided by gravity.
Fragments of truth pushing walls aside for clarity.

Broken pieces of time with a cross of death wrapped around my neck.
You'll never know what they hold.
I felt you scattering light, you took me by the hand with your insight.
Maybe I'll know what you hold as my soul unfolds.

Told me your dream and kept my mother safe where she turned 21.
Anniversary of when your mother left; she sent you a song.
Fully perceived the spirit of my need for ocean breeze, gave me a lift.
Conscious of conscience: confessional gratitude within a gift.

White stone in my mother's leather bag. Saw inside my locket with a broken frame.
I think you know what they hold.
Sync these strings to a single note. Unison in every word you wrote.
Out of the blue I can't hold this anymore.

Mathematics of the magic in numbers. Calculating dream life in slumber.

A simple inquiry you showed me to sea. Unreasoned love in the fiercest of frequencies.

Lightness of feathers and gold. Contents of coffee-stained confessionals.
Need you to know that you're ripping a hole in my soul.
Reach out your hand, I let you hold the weight of my sadness and darkness I swore I'd keep untold.
So now you know how you shook me uncontrollably.
You broke open a space and it's up to me to use it wisely.


Resignation

Tell me, could I be much more resigned?
A process wrought with theories misaligned.
Tell me, can I keep you locked outside
of my head, of my mind, my eyes?
Up since 3, I run, no sleep. My sanity has died.

You’ve taken my life, no I don’t mind.
It’s okay. It’s alright. It’s fine.

I won’t owe you anything at all.
Losing me will put you through withdrawals.
Back to back in hotel beds, as I said,
I’m not quite dead yet.
Tonight is the last night I lie with the enemy.
I won’t give another chance.

Final time I’ll walk this cliff alone,
threatening the safety of my home.
Learning how to trust myself
by running laps to run from relapse.
Plan to keep my walls
beneath the surface of the sea.

You don’t give a fuck how close I’ve come.
Trying times make my dark arise
like soft morning fog that slowly burns off.
Yesterday in a haze I almost gave up. Up to no good.
Don’t think I should justify fading lines with dirty lies,
so I’m defending my ties to last past the night.

Will I lose myself again?
Complement your selfish whims?
I walk this dirty road though a revolving door.
I spent a long life living on death row.

For Free

Leaving home, I transpose from the cold.
And so begins this migration.
Where the grass is greener 
and the smiles a little sweeter,
in step with this endless parade.

Cyclical, habitual. Travel is a ritual. 
Morning yawns with a new day.
Reservoir oasis, then more desolate places.
I’m just waking up in a different cage.

We’re in dire need of stability.
Pretend this isn’t pretentious.
Give us liberty or give us death. 
We won’t know the difference.

No more moving along with the masses.
I have never been a creature of habit.
And so concludes the great migration. 
Now I stand up all alone.

My line of sight follows pattern of flight
straight ahead in the distance.
Let them criticize my different life,
and you’re still caught up in a trance.

I found liberty. 
I outlived death, harnessing my energy.

I have never sold my soul for a single cent. 
This, I give away for free. 


Apotheosis

I'll stay with you just a little while. Then let me cut loose; free just like a child.
Don't hold me down; I'll be free to fly, constrained by nothing but the sky.

Apotheosis... Strong resistance...

Loved the curve of the horizon blaze in your eyes. Time extends.
Watch the sea ignite beneath the sky while I become one with the ocean.
Broken glass; I start to fall from grace, lose the race. Sharpened sense.
Heart attack, baptism drowns my soul, my bare bones. Recompense.

Learning to dive; flying toward the ground. Living to die; nothing to surround.
False reflections lure me to the sea, confusing my dreams with reality.

Smoke and mirrors... Signals clearer...

Speed of light, I'm soaring through the smoke, I won't choke. Graceful fall.
Breaking boundaries of life and death every step. The race, eternal.
If I fell from heaven, angel wings lost at sea. Homeward bound.
Gaining speed exponentially, do you think the clouds would catch me?

Softly screaming. Gently plunging.
Dreaming freely. And I'm gone.

Your hands are clean, they have been washed of me. I am free. Second chance.
If I could go back and start again, a parting sin I'd trade for dead romance.
A different breed of electricity, insanity. Damage done.
Deified eccentric lives as tragedy: a dying sun.

Do you think the clouds will break my fall?


Body

Skeleton melody, haunting tones. 
Pedal to the floor of my pipe organ bones.
Fingers fit between my ribs. 
Oh baby, get a grip.
Heavy heart weighs me down 
like an anchor in the sound.

Aimless travel on a trip 
if I take just one sip.
Must rely on someone else; 
don't think I can trust myself.
On the edge. Unstable. Frail. 
Sink too deep to tell this tale.

Want to design my own demise. 
This body holds temporary life. 
Always known just how I'll go. 
Dying to live, just free my soul.
Sensing that the end is near, 
we'll hold ourselves up while we're here.

I'm too honest, but my heart is on trial. 
Is this cardiac arrest or denial?
You're untrusting, too much loss. 
We're a breathing paradox.
Bodies need heat, but hearts just need warmth. 
Buildings burn down, but souls are reborn.

Circles

It’s like going around in circles.
Don’t you know?
Warning signs, yes.
I know how it goes down,
anyway.

Trigger flickers and snaps,
then your heart stops.
Am I next?
Flashbacks fade,
then they pounce when my guard’s down.
Enter unannounced.

Is this view really what I wanted?
What’s holding up your walls?
I would like to know.
Stars in your eyes, storm clouds in mine.
Poisoning my lungs is your triumph.
Take pleasure in my pain.
Fire before you aim.
Climb all over me.
You’re the monster king.
Take what you want; you’re no fucking savant.
Obstacle course of fiery ropes.
Climbing barbed wire just to get high, higher.

It’s like going around in circles.
Don’t you know?


Day of the Dead

Love what you love. Die ‘cause you have to.
Love what you love. Nothing comes quite as fast as death.

Came to us in the spring. Heart was designed for aching.
Flew away in the fall. Smeared your heart on a red wall.

Heart on my sleeve: insulates bloodless veins.
Heart skipped a beat. I don’t need no(body).

October: can’t undo famous last words left by you
November’s sacrifice: second day ended your life.

Sun rays madly streaming through. Try to burn life back into you.
Smoke and sage to clear the air. Communion of tears.
Traced your writing on the wall. Felt communal sorrow.
Coffins and cigarettes. Bet you I’m next.

Nobody, not really. Cannot breathe this deadly air.
Fearing death never saved anyone, 
but I wish that you’d been a little scared.
Night before this lady sang the blues for sanctity.
Now cinder blocks box me in with the same old memory.
Falling in oblivion proved to be your final plea.
Do you hear the tragedy spilling out of me?

“Wake up!” 
Children screaming into an empty sky.
We cannot live by telling each other that we’ll never die.

Day for all souls detached from their bodies.
I take solace in knowing at least you are free. 
Weightless space. Float beyond boundaries.
Retrace fate. You’re still an angel in my dreams.

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